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Few have made it as far as you have, due to fear and disgust normally! However,
congratulations on making it this far.
I guess that as you have got this far you are not offended by cruelty to hamsters. I must inform you that I really like hamsters, and this IS just banter and do not intend to offend anyone with this. If you would like to suggest something for me to put on this page mail me at:
[email protected]
I do put stuff mailed to me about hamsters on my site as the GIF above was sent to me!
Anyway, continue into the hell of Hamsterdom…..
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Small, Furry & Cute?
Yes, they are small, yes they are furry, but they are definitely NOT CUTE!!!
Most people think of hamsters as nice little rodents who climb their cage - is it for fun, or something much more sinister? Also they wiggle their noses at you - is it an attempt at winning your affection? Or yet again, is it something dangerously sinister and ultimately evil?
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Vicious
However, hamsters are not what they seem to be. They are cunning, evil, violent, deadly, despicable little creatures with B*****ds for parents!
Once a hamster is free, it is virtually impossible to recapture before it does incalculable damage (mental and physical). They latch onto their victims with razor sharp claws and nibble viscously at the appendages of their hapless victims. The unfortunate one is then sentenced to a cruel and lingering death.
The only way to survive is to become more deadly and dangerous. See below for our advice.
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Protection
The only way to defend yourself against the deadly and ravenous onslaught of these little CsNM°s ( like that? Took me ages to do!) is to dress yourself in a "Bear Suit" (a friend told me that this was what bomb disposal experts wore for diffusing bombs - correct me if I am wrong [email protected]), this way, the hamsters cannot sink their teeth into your flesh and you should be able to shake them off and flee.
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Removal of Hamsters From Your Home
There are many ways to remove hamsters from your home, the ones normally recommended are humane but the ones on this site ARE NOT!
1. Blender
This is a very fun way to remove hamsters but requires patience and a very kind mother (you are going to use her blender!)
Place nuts leading up to the blender and inside (used to tempt the hamster).
When hamster climbs inside blender, shut lid rapidly.
Hit Frappe!
Always ask your parent's permission before doing this as it makes a large mess.
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2. The Concrete Block
This is the most cruel way to kill a hamster and will also make a large mess. (Ingredients: 1 concrete slab, 1 roll of duct tape or sellotape, 1 block of flats, 1 hamster)
Tape hamster to slab.
Throw slab out of window.
'Nuff said.
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